I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So much rum. So many feels.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
