Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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