I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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