Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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