grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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