hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
