hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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