the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
