i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
