Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
