I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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