I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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