I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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