did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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