I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
