On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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