I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
