I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
