They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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