just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
