I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I look better un-naked...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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