People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
