great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
