worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
