1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I bet he comes in French.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
