So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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