you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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