I didn't shave. On purpose
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
