Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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