i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
