I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
