i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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