is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
