I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
