youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
