those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
