xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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