Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
