one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were trust falling into bushes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
