did you get engaged???
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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