I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
