Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
