i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
