Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The maid of honor just puked.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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