Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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