im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
