so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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