just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
