I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
