I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
