tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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