I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
