I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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