Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
