I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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