i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
