It's like God shit irony all over that family
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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